Stripper Stilettos
I've been so entrenched in writing lately, that today was the first day in quite a while that I ventured out of the house. Concerned about scaring small children, I waxed my eyebrows, shaved my legs and tamed the eat-your-heart-out-Medusa tresses. School starts in two days and I had yet to buy my daughter a single stitch of clothing. She's starting junior high and we all remember how traumatic it was to show up on the first day wearing something you wore last year. Oh, the humanity!
We piled in the car and drove twenty miles to the mall. Of all the cool stores in the mall, my sophisticated twelve-year-old wanted to go to J.C. Penney. Okay. I waited in line while she perused the costume jewelry, oohing and aahing (the child loves bling). I finally made it to checkout with two pairs of shorts, one pair of capris and four shirts. The total came to $85 and some change and we high-fived, applauding our fierce bargain hunting skills. As we headed for the exit I realized she was wearing the sweatshirt she wanted to buy and we hadn’t paid for it. Dang it! Back in line I got and ten minutes later we were cruising the rest of the mall, the girl needed shoes.
We ended up in Payless. This is where the trip gets interesting. She picked out a very sensible pair of canvas shoes that would match the J.C. Penney wardrobe. Then, my tweenage daughter picked out a pair of shoes that she just had to have. Faux black and tan snakeskin strappy four inch heels with a zipper. Now, I have only seen heels that high (with a zipper no less) on a half naked chick dancing on a pole. My first reaction was absolutely not. Especially when I remember that at the age of eight this child informed me that she was going to dance in her bathing suit for money to pay for veterinarian school and a boob job. She truly does have an entrepreneurial spirit.
You’d think she was Cinderella as she slipped her feet into her glass slippers. She adjusted all the straps (and there were a bunch of straps) and zipped up the trampy shoes that, surprisingly, fit her feet. Paired with her mini skirt, tank top and blue eyeshadow, she looked like an extra in Pretty Baby. I was adamant that I would not buy the shoes which had a ridiculous $44 price tag (Hello, we’re in Payless!). She strutted around in front of the mirror for a bit before accepting the reality that she would have to leave the store without them. Before saying goodbye to the coveted shoes, she took a picture of them with her cell phone. She may have kissed them, but I'm not sure.
All the way home I had to listen to the very creative reasons why she needed the stripper shoes and that, yes, she could wear them to school. I laughed and told her if she saved up the money, she could buy them herself. She will get $5 a week to keep her room clean. Now, if you’ve ever seen the show Hoarders: Buried Alive, you will understand my reasoning in making this offer. This child won’t earn a nickle.
Update: The child cleaned her room tonight.
We piled in the car and drove twenty miles to the mall. Of all the cool stores in the mall, my sophisticated twelve-year-old wanted to go to J.C. Penney. Okay. I waited in line while she perused the costume jewelry, oohing and aahing (the child loves bling). I finally made it to checkout with two pairs of shorts, one pair of capris and four shirts. The total came to $85 and some change and we high-fived, applauding our fierce bargain hunting skills. As we headed for the exit I realized she was wearing the sweatshirt she wanted to buy and we hadn’t paid for it. Dang it! Back in line I got and ten minutes later we were cruising the rest of the mall, the girl needed shoes.
We ended up in Payless. This is where the trip gets interesting. She picked out a very sensible pair of canvas shoes that would match the J.C. Penney wardrobe. Then, my tweenage daughter picked out a pair of shoes that she just had to have. Faux black and tan snakeskin strappy four inch heels with a zipper. Now, I have only seen heels that high (with a zipper no less) on a half naked chick dancing on a pole. My first reaction was absolutely not. Especially when I remember that at the age of eight this child informed me that she was going to dance in her bathing suit for money to pay for veterinarian school and a boob job. She truly does have an entrepreneurial spirit.
You’d think she was Cinderella as she slipped her feet into her glass slippers. She adjusted all the straps (and there were a bunch of straps) and zipped up the trampy shoes that, surprisingly, fit her feet. Paired with her mini skirt, tank top and blue eyeshadow, she looked like an extra in Pretty Baby. I was adamant that I would not buy the shoes which had a ridiculous $44 price tag (Hello, we’re in Payless!). She strutted around in front of the mirror for a bit before accepting the reality that she would have to leave the store without them. Before saying goodbye to the coveted shoes, she took a picture of them with her cell phone. She may have kissed them, but I'm not sure.
All the way home I had to listen to the very creative reasons why she needed the stripper shoes and that, yes, she could wear them to school. I laughed and told her if she saved up the money, she could buy them herself. She will get $5 a week to keep her room clean. Now, if you’ve ever seen the show Hoarders: Buried Alive, you will understand my reasoning in making this offer. This child won’t earn a nickle.
Update: The child cleaned her room tonight.
That is hilarious. I'm sad that I didn't have the experience of a daughter.
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Brinda,
She's a lot of fun and I will continue to share her antics! Thanks for visiting my blog and leaving a comment!
Melissa
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Hahaha, I guess you're gonna lose on this deal and she's getting the shoes!
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Oh dear. This reminds me of shopping with my step-daughter. We are polar opposites. She subscribes to the more bling the better philosophy. I am fairly blingless. She thinks my style is boring, I prefer to think of it as classic.
One year, she gave me a pair of beautiful sterling silver earring for Christmas. They were really very nice. They were also hoops so large that I felt an almost uncontrollable urge to sing Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves each time I dared to wear them. Twice, I think. Then, she borrowed those earrings and I never saw them again.
Sadly, she has access to numerous pairs of stripper shoes from her mother's closet. I just do my best to turn away before I roll my eyes.
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Margaret,
Sounds like your step-daughter and my daughter could be great friends and get into lots of trouble, haha!
Thanks for commenting and I'll see you on Saturday!
Melissa
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